The answer can be yes; it often matters how we ask, how we act, what exactly we ask of them and if we have enough patience with them.
Order
Sometimes, we think we need to tell our friends and our loved ones that they should exercise when we see them not being active. We love exercise, we can do it, we are happier because we exercise and we want them to have all those things too, just like we do. But the problem with telling anyone to do anything, is that they feel like we are giving them an order. It also sends a message, even though unintended, that we think they are not okay, just as they are right now. At least that’s what my, now teenage daughter, tells me.
Ponder
What if we ask them a question to ponder instead of giving an order? Now, any thoughts they have about our questions come from themselves and not from us. For example, if you want to say, “I think you should go for a walk today,” ORDER. We could instead ask “how are you feeling today, do you think walking would help?” PONDER.
Possible Responses – Order
For many of us, our human nature is to rebel against orders given to us. We prefer to have and make our own choices. If we look at our ORDER again, “I think you should go for a walk today,” what responses might we get, realizing some responses are in their thoughts? Some possibilities are: I’ll walk when I want to, I don’t feel like walking right now; I really want to just take a nap; Why do I always have to do what YOU do because YOU like to do it?; Why not ask me what I WANT to do?; Sounds good, I think I will. These are just a few examples. My daughter asks, “what about what I want to do?” She has helped me learn that people prefer to make their own choices, not to be ordered.
Possible Responses – Ponder
Let’s take a look at possible responses to our alternative question that causes them to PONDER, “how are you feeling today, do you think walking would help?” We can see that this question can only be answered by the person being asked because only they know how they are feeling. This type of question requires their personal assessment of things such as: their current physical health, their schedule, their desire and whether they think anything would improve by doing what they are considering for themselves. Their response will take some time as they consider everything. Taking time means their response is less likely to have rebellion in it. Try asking questions that cause them to ponder before they answer.
Inspiring others with actions
We need to keep doing what we do. Our actions are noticed even if our words are dismissed. We have heard this phrase many times, “actions speak louder than words.” One of the best examples, for me and in my opinion where someone’s actions demonstrate this, is by Jesus. His actions have been inspiring people to change, some right away, others over time, for thousands of years. He taught through his words, but it is through many of his actions, modeled by people today, that are noticed and remembered. And just as children make mistakes, while trying to act the way parents want them to, so do people trying to model Jesus. In time, some will act in the same way as the model does, some won’t. The bottom line is keep exercising, the same way you always do, you are modeling and it is being noticed.
Seeing someones actions requires us to use our eyes. We upload images and actions that we see in to our memories. These are images put together in to short movies that we watch. We retain these movies through our other senses such as: touch, smell, taste and sound as well. Science has proven that we can retain images longer and we can recall them faster than we can recall what people have told us. I say, don’t stop modeling what you do, your actions have the power to speak, silently.
Those are my thoughts, now what do the experts say?
Modeling of Behavior Definition
“Modeling is one way in which behavior is learned. When a person observes the behavior of another and then imitates that behavior, he or she is modeling the behavior. This is sometimes known as observational learning or social learning. Modeling is a kind of vicarious learning in which direct instruction need not occur. “1
Read more at: Psychology.IResearchnet.com
Monkey see monkey do
The writers at UE-Using English.com, who provide lessons and information on English as a second language, explains the answer to this question, “What does ‘Monkey see, monkey do‘ mean?” The explanation is this, “This idiom means that children will learn their behaviour by copying what they see happening around them.” I believe this applies to adults too but it takes more time and more knowledge to have an effect.
“Questions push people to figure out the answers on their own.”
Inga Stasiulionyte
In her article titled, 6 Underlying Benefits of Asking Questions, written by, Inga Stasiulionyte, Inga writes about arriving in the US and having the challenges of training for the olympics without her personal coach telling her exactly what to do for her warmup. She was used to taking direct orders, so to speak, and now was confused doing it on her own. She was inspired to start researching the brain and how it works. Her article discusses asking questions as the title states above. In it, she writes, “I believe it’s asking people the right questions, instead of telling them what to do, that creates success, that pushes people to be successful. Questions push people to figure out the answers on their own.”
Summary
When it comes to inspiring people to be healthier by exercising, who don’t like to feel ordered to do it or who feel like you’re not happy with them the way they are, consider these things:
- How are we asking our questions.
- What are we modeling?
- Are we asking the right questions that let them figure things out on their own?
- Do we have patience with them if the are not ready to follow us?
Thanks for reading!
After reading this finished article, my daughter said I should be a psychologist! (She may one day realize, I am practicing on her.) Love – Lisa
